


Debts Owed in Blood

by maritadelsol



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: But You Don't Have To Have Read It, F/M, Lucien is an absolute KING as per usual, Slow Burn, also am I contradicting canon Elain ?, also for warnings it's the same level as the books for most things, because Elain and Nesta are gonna be ride or die baby, because these bitches have TRAUMA, but on god we getting these bitches some healing and healthy romances, guess who's projecting all their mean thoughts on the IC, haven't decided who she's gonna end up with romantically but she's bi as hell here we got OPTIONS, honestly I might have to write a whole ass other fic for all my Nesta ideas in this universe, it's meeeeeeeee, like so slow guys, listen this thing is high key just about vibes, no beta we die like men, not sure if I'm gonna write the smut tho, so spoilers for that I guess because some plot points will be coming up, technically fix it for acosf ?, very Elain-centric but we see Lucien's pov when I say so, will also see a good chunk of Nesta, yes probably but also she sucks so I do what I want
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:35:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maritadelsol/pseuds/maritadelsol
Summary: Elain Archeron is living in a very delicate balance after the war. She gardens away her days at home, but when the pressure of acting perfectly healed among Feyre and the IC gets too high, she turns to her other sister, Nesta. And although she spends a few nights a month in bars and taverns that doesn't mean Elain wants the IC to find out. When they do realize that Elain and Nesta are closer than they thought, Elain realizes that the Night Court isn't the safe haven she thought it was.Elain literally just needs a break and wants to hang with Nesta and maybe do a little magic give a bitch a DRINK
Relationships: Elain Archeron & Azriel, Elain Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra, Elucien, Nesta/Self-Respect
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so turns out if you want to see very specific content you have to make it yourself ? so now all of you guys get to see it too. quite frankly (just like everything else in these books) Elain had so much potential and after reading acosf I'm super scared for her story so I'm gonna create my own. I don't know how often I'm gonna be writing since I'm a student but I have a good chunk done so I'll probably space out posting chapters to give myself some time. but time to go crazy go stupid !

Elain couldn’t remember the first time she snuck out to a bar with Nesta after the war. She didn’t think it was because she drank so much that her memories drowned beneath it, but it certainly wasn’t something she could recall with clarity. The feeling of it all stayed with her though: her frustration at the inner circle for giving her a pretty little dirt box to play in while they made decisions over her head had boiled over, and instead of yelling or breaking something, she went out that night. And when she heard a very familiar voice singing karaoke at a bar down the street from where she was, the sound spilling from a dimly lit window, she felt she was exactly where she was meant to be.  
~  
“No, not her, Nes. Three chairs down and with the green shirt, funny looking eyebrows,” Elain repeated calmly, making sure not to point in too obvious a manner. The male had already looked over at their table twice, and Elain really didn’t want him to catch on to what was going on.  
“You’re sure? I would’ve bet money on the one with the earrings,” Nesta said while listing to the side a little. She squinted at both the male and the female, clearly trying to make some mental math add up. After a moment, she shook her head and sighed. “I guess that’s why you’re the seer and I’m only good for lighting birthday candles.”  
Elain snorted into her wine. “Sure, if you want to murder the poor kid.”  
Nesta grinned and asked only a hair too innocently, “When’s Rhys’ next birthday again? I really should practice and make sure I get the hang of it.” Elain couldn’t contain her laughter in her cup this time, and it rang across the small bar. Nesta only continued to grin with the air of someone who knew exactly how funny she was. “All right, all right. Green shirt. Bathroom or bed? I’m not sure I’m up for the whole night, so it really better be bathroom.” Elain closed her eyes obligingly and breathed a little deeper.  
“Bathroom,” she confirmed. Nesta smiled in thanks and stood up to stretch. Elain noticed that she was just a bit thinner than the last time they went out together and tried not to let the concern show on her face. She knew it wouldn’t do her good anyhow. With added brightness, she reminded Nesta, “I’ll be here! I know you won’t be, but try not to be too loud this time?”  
Nesta simply rolled her eyes, “You already know I won’t be.” Elain gave her a look. “All right, for you,” Nesta blew her a kiss and walked off towards the male in the green shirt. Elain watched with an almost maternal air and shook her head. She knew that there was no way for her to get through to Nesta about her way of coping, but at least she had found a way to help her. Maybe it was a bit invasive, using her power to see who would give Nesta what she was looking for, but Elain always tried to focus on Nesta’s future rather than her partner’s, and never looked too closely. When she saw that Nesta approaching someone would lead to pleasure farther down the line, she could usually guess location based on how quickly the pleasure came. Elain appreciated the opportunity to practice around someone who knew that she could still see the future, and the double challenge of there being multiple possible lovers in the bar and only wanting to sense future emotions without visions of her sister in any intimate moments was something that was too good to pass up.  
From the corner of her eye Elain could see Nesta and the young male laughing, already starting to lean towards each other. Elain was always startled by how quickly Nesta could make anyone enamored of her, but she recognized that it wasn’t that surprising. All three Archeron sisters were beautiful, and Nesta had always been the least agreeable, usually on purpose. Spending that much thought and energy into driving others away meant that she also knew, by nature of opposites, how to draw them closer: through deliberate body language and carefully chosen words. _That male won’t know what hit him_ , Elain thought, as Nesta playfully dragged him towards the restroom. Even with her foresight, Elain looked at the other people in the bar a little apprehensive that somebody might see and object. But nobody cared about two young people trying to enjoy the night when they themselves were also looking for a good time.  
Satisfied that Nesta would be just fine, Elain indulged in her second favorite way of practicing her gift: using it to avoid Lucien. Humming just slightly, Elain used that string between them to determine where he was physically (his apartment in Velaris, not a definite sign of his plans) and then began to relax into Time with him firmly fixed in her mind. In flashes and glimpses, she saw Lucien go to Rhysand’s more ornate home above the Hewn City and then wander a bit around Velaris. By sundown tomorrow, he would already be winnowing back to the human lands without ever setting foot near the river estate. With a sigh of relief, Elain finished her glass. She could feel already that she was in for quite the hangover in the morning, and was glad that she wouldn’t have to resort to running errands to avoid seeing him. She tried to feel guilty about using her powers this way but couldn’t quite muster it. Elain had always felt a strange magnetism whenever she was near him, as if she almost couldn’t help but notice him. But that didn’t help her overcome feeling transported right back to the very first time they had met every time she was in the same room as Lucien: back in Hybern’s throne room. His scent, the almost glow of his fiery hair, even the sound of his voice- every single one of her senses betrayed her and all Elain could feel was sheer terror and her soaked nightgown sticking to her skin as she shivered uncontrollably.  
_It’s better this way_ , Elain reminded herself firmly. _It’s not like he wants to see me anyway, and this way I don’t spend the rest of the day drowning on dry land. It isn’t personal and it certainly isn’t anyone’s fault_. Not quite convinced, Elain forced her thoughts outwards, looking at the other inhabitants of the bar. She relaxed into the rhythm of it, feeling how Time seemed to both slip by and linger for different people. Although it had been a rough transition, her powers settling more naturally after the war was a blessing. It had taken many nights with Nesta (and a lot of hours of gardening where only the plants saw her cursing and throwing trowels) but she had managed to start to feel out the shape of Time; always shifting and never comprehensible completely, but Time had become more familiar to Elain. It felt almost natural to sit and let it wash over her. She was always a little worried about someone coming up to her while she was exposed like this and her accidentally catching a glimpse of their future, but she had come to realize that sitting in Time gave her a bit of an aura that made people less likely to approach her. It wasn’t that Elain didn’t want to interact with the people in the bar, just that she reveled in the anonymity. Not having to put up her friendly persona for strangers, when she knew that back at the house she would need every bit of patience she could muster, was a relief. Looking at the clock and realizing time was almost up, she moved to the bar and called over the bartender to pay the bill. When she was handed the check she signed Nesta's name, making a mental note to transfer funds to Nesta to make up for it, and then handed it back with a smile. Elain did not want to risk anybody in the estate finding out about her nights with Nesta, mainly because she didn’t really think it was any of their business, and yet they were sure to try and make it so.  
Moving towards the bathroom, Elain could almost feel a countdown in the back of her mind. On cue, Nesta and her male snuck out of the ladies, both of them looking delightfully rumpled and rosy cheeked. Elain remembered her lines perfectly.  
“Hey Nesta! We’re heading back, are you ready to go?” she asked brightly, making sure to avoid looking at the male. Nesta turned to the male, whispered something that Elain didn’t even want to guess at let alone hear, and then walked towards Elain without a backwards glance, leaving the male looking gleefully smug, but also a little crestfallen.  
Nesta gave Elain a little swat on the ass, “Let’s get moving! I want to try and get some practice in before dawn comes.” Elain grinned, happy that Nesta had clearly had a good time and had managed to release her tension to the point that she felt confident enough to practice her own set of gifts.  
“Was I right or was I right?” Elain asked with a bit of cheek, moving quickly with Nesta. Without using words, Nesta gave Elain a look that conveyed exactly what she thought of her choice in partner. “And you doubted me, after everything I’ve done for you! For free, no less!” Elain added with a point of her finger.  
“Okay, okay, you’re right, o mighty seer. Forever shall I employ you as my brothel keeper,” Nesta shot back with a smirk. After seeing Elain’s half horrified look, Nesta burst out laughing. “Come on, we’re wasting time. The Sidra isn’t going to evaporate itself,” Nesta reminded her while pulling her out of the bar. “I want to try and use the flames to split the river and create a path this time.” Elain rolled her eyes, thinking of how soaked they had both gotten last time Nesta had tried.  
“Fine, but if we get wet again I’m staying over at your place, there’s no way I’m walking all the way to the estate while dripping half the river,” Elain insisted. Nesta smiled, a knowing look in her eye.  
“I have the perfect thing to warm us up when we get back, I’ve been saving it for ages.” So they walked into the night together, not touching, but holding close all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally leave whatever you want in the comments, I just wanna hear what people have to say ! comments, suggestions, thoughts, criticisms (please be nice), corrections, complaints. I am mostly winging it so this is probably not canon compliant  
> thanks <3333


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after ! even bitches this sexy get hangovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me putting the second chapter up already because it's 8 am and I'm procrastinating my real work

At an ungodly hour, Elain was yanked awake by all the alcohol in her system. Blinking unwillingly, she saw that she was in Nesta’s apartment sprawled across the bottom half of the bed. She couldn’t see or feel Nesta, but knowing that Nesta did this far more often than she did reassured Elain that she was almost definitely safe in the apartment somewhere.  
Muttering to herself about how she was possibly never drinking again, Elain managed to sit up without getting too dizzy. From where she was, she could see that the bathroom door was open, and that Nesta was dead asleep in the bathtub. Elain felt a smile rather than actually smiling, and tried to piece the night together. There was the bar, the female with the earrings that would’ve taken Nesta home, the male Nesta actually went into the bathroom with, the walk to the Sidra, and then.... Elain sighed. Nesta’s latest attempt to use her silver flames on the water- the safest way they could think of for her to practice in the city- had resulted in so much steam that the river was probably still foggy looking this morning. And of course when they came back to the apartment wet and shivering they cracked open a bottle of whiskey to help with warming up. Elain bent and put her forehead to the mattress with a groan. _I’m going to get up, I’m going to find my dress from last night, I’m going to make breakfast for the both of us, I’m going to clean until Nesta gets up, and then I’m going to walk to the estate and die slowly in bed_ , thought Elain. She tried to sound stern with herself, but she tipped sideways in despair. _Okay, compromise: I’ll die on the walk back_.  
After enough time, Elain was able to wrap her mind around the fact that she had a body, which felt awful, and that it needed to be moved in order to accomplish these tasks. Internally groaning in order to avoid waking Nesta, Elain got out of bed and started her day. Her dress was on the windowsill in the sun, and putting on the warm garment instantly improved her outlook. Emboldened by this success, she started brewing a strong coffee. Simultaneously cleaning the kitchen and cooking, Elain managed to cobble together some breakfast with eggs, some fruit that was mostly fresh, and a bit of meat that she did not care to identify. Eating carefully to avoid setting off her stomach, she managed to get down enough to keep going about cleaning the apartment. She straightened the kitchen out once more, organized the bedroom, gathered all the dirty laundry, and then quietly crept into the bathroom. Nesta was snoring with the power of the extremely intoxicated, so it was easier than Elain anticipated to clean around her. After that, Elain stared at Nesta hard.  
_If I pick her up and move her to the bed, I can scrub the tub really quick, maybe even before she wakes up fully. But if she wakes up while I’m carrying her, I’ll die a full 20 minutes early_ , deliberated Elain. _Fuck it, I’m moving her_. Ever so gently, she reached under Nesta and used her Fae strength to lift her out of the bathtub slowly. Elain froze as Nesta shifted in her arms, but she was only putting her head on Elain’s shoulder. Finally able to follow through on her smile, Elain walked as smoothly as possible as her arms shook, quickly tucking Nesta into the newly made bed. After cleaning the tub to the best of her abilities, Elain gathered her things, gave Nesta a kiss on the forehead, and left the apartment. She found it was better to clean and leave rather than force Nesta into saying thank you for something she didn’t ask for, especially while hungover. Nesta usually chose to drink her hangovers away, but in between waking up and her first glass she was miserable and preferred not to see anyone or be seen by them, and Elain did her best to respect that. She took the dirty laundry to a dry cleaner’s, gave them a little extra to deliver it back to Nesta’s apartment, and then managed to stumble her way back to the estate without running into anyone in the pre-morning light. Exhausted, she tumbled into bed and fell right back into a dreamless sleep.  
~

After what felt like no time at all, Feyre popped her head into Elain’s room. “Elain,” she called softly, “are you feeling alright? It’s almost midday.” Elain let out an unintelligible noise from under the blankets. “Do you want me to send Nuala and Cerridwen with some breakfast? I’m sorry if you had a bad night,” Feyre asked with a grating amount of concern. But Elain desperately needed something to eat, and if that meant playing the nightmare-ridden damsel, she would be the finest damn actor this side of the Wall.  
Elain peeked her head out of the blankets and nodded slowly. Speaking with exhaustion came easy when she said, “I think I’m going to bathe first, maybe in an hour or so?” _That’ll give me enough time to just go to the kitchen myself_ , Elain hoped, knowing that she couldn’t persuade her younger sister out of “helping” in some way.  
Feyre nodded very quickly, “Of course! Take your time, they’ll be up in a bit.” Elain slowly retreated back under the blankets with care, making sure to not let her scent escape them. She heard the click of the door as Feyre left and breathed a sigh of relief. _Gods that was close_ , Elain swore. _Thank the fucking Mother she didn’t come in and smell Nesta and liquor_. She quickly flung back the covers and moved to the bathroom. Washing off the scent of the night before was crucial to keeping her outings with Nesta a secret when surrounded by nosy Fae. Elain felt the tension drain from her body when the jet of water hit her, the device that Feyre had requested to let her clean without sitting in the bath spraying warm water. Elain had no idea how Nesta managed to brave the tub in her apartment but she supposed it was either get used to it or stay filthy, and her sister did have an iron will. _At least I don’t have to scrub the scent of male off of me_ , Elain thought with a grim smile. This was her excuse whenever Nesta tried to encourage her to indulge in sexual pleasure: that washing off the scent of male would be much harder, and it would be far more noticeable in the house if she couldn’t. Nesta always rolled her eyes, looking through it for the excuse that it was without pushing Elain too far.  
The truth was, Elain didn’t feel at all inclined to be with a male. She was mentally over Graysen in the sense that she didn’t constantly think about him anymore, but she still felt as if her heart belonged to him in some way. He had been her first love, and she had anticipated spending the rest of her life with him, although her life would’ve been much shorter back then. Now in light of his rejection and the eternity in front of her, she was able to realize that maybe he wasn’t as perfect as she had thought him to be. But recognizing that and completely moving on were two separate things, and Elain didn’t think that casual sex was the answer.  
After scrubbing herself pink and washing her hair, Elain took a moment to stand under the water with her eyes closed and tipped her head back. She imagined slowly sinking to the bottom of the tub and sitting with her knees up so that she could rest her head. The water from above would keep hitting her, but none would pool in the basin of the bath. It could be a way to test her fears, possibly without it feeling similar enough to trigger a flashback. Instead, she opened her eyes and shut the faucet off, climbed out, and began getting ready for the day.  
_Next time for sure_ , Elain promised herself, already feeling more bold now that she was out of the bathroom. _Hell, maybe I’ll even stop up the drain and let an inch or two of water collect_. She almost snorted at that. _As if. Everybody in this damn house, myself included, coddles me far too much for that. Actually confronting my fears? Yeah, right_. Elain finished dressing and, satisfied with her appearance, went in search of breakfast. Talking with Nuala and Cerridwen to cement her story was a top priority. She really did care for the both of them, as they often felt like the only people in the house who treated her like an adult, but Elain was certain that they were in Rhysand’s employ first and would report back about her wellbeing. That aside, they were excellent day companions. There was no pressure to talk or pretend, just a warm kitchen with friendly faces grateful for the help. Entering the kitchen, Elain made sure to give them both a weak smile.  
“Good morning,” she called softly, heading for the pantry. Nuala turned around from her dishes to give her a smile and a friendly nod, and Cerridwen moved from the dough she was kneading to help Elain. “How are you both today?” Elain asked, grabbing bread and some spread off a shelf.  
“We’re fine, thank you. And how are you doing this morning?” Cerridwen replied, grabbing a fruit plate that she had already cut up for her. Elain knew this question was coming but still hesitated. For a brief second she wondered what would happen if she told the truth. _“Rhysand and Feyre shared one too many glances over dinner yesterday while Cassian looked on with jealousy. Amren said whatever she wanted without fear of anyone contradicting her, even though she no longer has powers. Mor tried to distract Cassian, seeing that he was thinking of Nesta and mates, but failed miserably. The arrogance and the self absorbedness in the room got to be too much, and all I could think about was how insignificant I feel in my own life,”_ she would say with all the nonchalance in the world. _“So I went to the place where I’ve always felt more important than I really am: by Nesta’s side.”_  
Instead, she let her fingers tremble slightly and said with false cheer, “Well, I didn’t have the best of nights, but I’m feeling alright.” Satisfied that that would do the job, she moved towards the back door that led out onto the grounds. “I think I’ll eat breakfast in the garden, the sun should be nice,” she said without really caring if she was heard. Elain had already caught the glance between Cerridwen and Nuala after her first statement, and didn’t want any misplaced pity for her fabricated night. Strolling into the garden with her bread and fruit, Elain sat at a little table that she had picked out herself while designing the yard. She began to eat, tilting her head towards the sun. The usual thoughts and questions swirled around her, but she kept them all at bay with the taste of fruit in her mouth.  
Elain surveyed the garden, thinking instead of what needed to be done today to ensure the flowers kept blooming. _A little weeding and watering wouldn’t hurt any of them, and I bet it would keep me busy all day_ , she thought with satisfaction. _And even if it isn’t, I can always look busy kneeling in a dirt patch while practicing my second sight_. Finishing with breakfast for the second time that day, Elain stretched in her chair. _On second thought…_ Elain less than gracefully slumped to the ground, rolling over in the grass til she escaped the shadow of the table. Face up to the sky, she closed her eyes and stretched out as if making a snow Illyrian. _Maybe this’ll be my occupation for the day. I’m sure nobody would force me to do anything else after my horrible nightmares_.  
With a smile that was maybe a touch sneaky, she settled into the grass, content to let the breeze and time deal with the remnants of her hangover until a shadow seemed to move onto her face. Annoyed, she squinted up to see Azriel standing above her with a knowing look.  
“Az! You’re back!” she exclaimed, sitting up too suddenly and feeling a little ill from it. “How was your trip?”  
“Well enough, I suppose. I see you’re taking full advantage of the afternoon,” he replied, extending a hand to help her up. Elain hopped up without his assistance and beamed at him.  
“Who doesn’t love a lazy Sunday?” she asked with a grin, delighted that he didn’t seem to know anything about the previous night. Elain always tried to time her visits to Nesta for when Azriel was gone from the house, which was quite frequently lately. She wasn’t sure quite what he did besides gather information from his network of spies and his shadows, but it certainly required a lot of hours far from Velaris. Azriel was the only member of the inner circle that seemed to really pay attention to Elain, and she knew that it would be much harder to keep any secrets from his watchful gaze. She sometimes thought that it was possible he wouldn’t expose her escapades to the others, but the risk was a bit too much for her to gamble on.  
Chatting a bit aimlessly, she walked with him from the garden table round to the front of the house. Although the Archeron’s were quite wealthy in their heyday, the ostentatious manor house never failed to give Elain a bit of a queasy feeling. With Feyre and Rhysand owning so many houses already and the city still recovering from Hybern’s attack, she couldn’t justify in her heart this grand estate.  
Maybe a bit of this caught in her eye, because Azriel remarked, “It sure is an eyesore, huh? I much prefer the House of Wind myself.” Elain laughed softly and sighed.  
“No, it is beautiful. Just… a lot, is all,” she corrected. “I’m not sure I’ll get used to it.” Azriel caught her eye.  
“It can be overwhelming, but you will,” he said firmly, knowing that they weren’t exactly discussing the building anymore. “I have to go report to Rhys, but I’ll see you at dinner?” he asked, moving towards the door but still looking at Elain. She beamed and nodded.  
“Of course! See you then,” she replied, dreading dinner a little bit less. But once Azriel was inside the house she deflated a bit. With a sigh, she wandered back to the garden to lay down once again, although it felt much less comforting than before. _I DO like him_ , she stated with a practiced air, _but it’s hard to like someone when my life feels so stagnant. He’s kind and attentive to me, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to him. Not that he isn’t attractive… ugh!_ Elain shook her head a bit and refocused. _I don’t know what I want to do with my immortal life and I see so few people that it almost feels forced. It’s strange being interested in someone after Graysen, especially when all the days seem to blend together. How can I want a future with someone when I barely know what I want for myself?_ Elain recognized that it was the same argument she had been stuck in with herself for a few weeks now. Resolving that, as per usual, nothing was resolved, she got up and started for the shed, determined to be productive before dinner now that she knew that someone who would actually be interested in her day would be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you haven't noticed, I have made the executive decision that Elain swears like a sailor in her head. and yes she likes cursing so much that she picked up Fae swears. it's called passion, look it up


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finished another chapter yesterday and I'm very impatient so here!

When Nuala stuck her head out of the kitchen door to call Elain in for dinner, all Elain felt was relief. Her knees were sore and the weeds had been all pulled out hours ago. Rather than go back inside and risk somebody trying to comfort her about her supposedly bad night, Elain stayed outside in a secluded flower bed, absentmindedly searching through Time. A quick search of Nesta’s future saw her eating all of the breakfast Elain had left her, a triumph, and then immediately pouring herself a glass of wine and starting to read a book. Lucien was still on track to be gone by evening without coming by the river house, which also gave her a bit of comfort.  
Right before being called in, Elain tried searching a bit of her own future. Usually she disliked doing it as it increased the tedium of her days to know exactly what they were going to hold, but lately she couldn’t find it within herself to care. _Maybe I’ll see the answers to all my questions_ , she thought a bit desperately. _Is it cheating to just look ahead and see the choices I’ll make? Will I even see them, since I haven’t decided yet?_ Elain frowned.  
Almost all of her experiences of the future had shown that a good deal of it was not set in stone. Great events seemed to be an exception, for the most part unshakeable from Time, almost inescapable. A lot of what she had seen in the war was in that strain, and that’s why it had overwhelmed her. So many lives tangled up in such large events that were inching closer by the minute had just continuously washed over her to an unbearable degree, until she was adrift in Time. That plus the rawness of her new body and the trauma of the Cauldron had pushed her into an almost comatose state. And through it all, the sound of Lucien’s heartbeat echoing in her ears. Sometimes that incessant beating felt like it was inching her closer to the edge of insanity. Other times, it was the only tether she had in a foreign sea. All she had wanted back then was to make it back to Graysen, sure that if Lucien’s heartbeat could affect her so much, that to lay her head over her love’s heart would cure her of the Fae nightmare entirely. Now that fantasy had dissipated, along with her ability to hear Lucien’s heart. _If it hadn’t been for Nesta, taking care of me…_ Elain stood up rapidly instead of finishing that thought. _It’s in the past, and I’m looking to the future_ , she thought, twisting her smile at the irony.  
Standing and stretching her back, Elain started to mentally prepare herself for dinner. She took the long way back to her rooms in order to change into something a little less dirty. Elain passed by one Rhysand and Feyre’s offices and even with the door shut she could pick up low voices.  
“The Ilyrians are serious this time, Rhys. This isn’t like the other times where they need to blow off some steam. The war seriously impacted them and they aren’t going to be pacified. We need a plan,” implored a voice that sounded like Cassian. Elain didn’t know much about the shadowsinger, but she somehow got the idea that he wouldn’t be speaking of the Illyrians in such neutral terms.  
“If you give me just a little more time, I can figure out exactly who is spreading dissent. Names, camps, everything. We can stop this rebellion before it even happens,” said a much more Azriel sounding voice with conviction.  
A voice that couldn’t have been anyone but Rhys spoke up: “Listen, we need as much information as possible before I decide what we’re going to do. Too many Illyrians died in the war for our first move to be violence, even covertly. The unrest on the continent means we might need them soon, and we can’t afford to not have Illyria by our side in any coming conflicts. Az, I need you to find out as much as possible. Cass, I need you on the ground working out an angle. I know they won’t respond well to me and I don’t want Feyre within an hour’s flight of that place without me by her side.”  
Elain hurried by before she heard anymore, unwilling to be caught eavesdropping on a conversation that seemed to be drawing to a close. Safely in her room, she began to change from her gardening attire. _This could be serious_ , she realized. _A rebellion while the queens are still at large? Not to mention Lucien’s firebird friend and her lakeside keeper._ All at once Elain was hit with a stab of guilt. _I can see the future and yet all I do is help my sister get laid?_ She resolved to find Azriel and a quiet corner after dinner to try and explain in the least revealing way that she wanted to help him. She couldn’t imagine trying to approach Rhys or Cassian about this, but with Azriel it would feel less intimidating. And if she played her cards right, he would help her hone her abilities so she wouldn’t rouse suspicion by declaring the future with ease after such a gap. _At least I know he’ll listen and take me seriously_ , Elain reasoned. She stepped back out of her room and made her way down to dinner.  
~  
Having Azriel at dinner that night provided a stark contrast to the night before. Whenever anybody got on her nerves- Feyre acting as if she was anything other than a political figurehead, the excessive dirty jokes, everyone tiptoeing around Elain and the past that still haunted her, bad dreams last night or not- Elain had the relief of feeling that at least one person at the table was on her side. Whenever Amren complained about nothing or the scent of Rhys’s and Feyre’s arousal got too strong to ignore, Elain could exchange looks with Azriel and know that somebody felt the same way. Instead of her feelings percolating without an outlet beneath her breastbone, Elain had the instant satisfaction of communicating them wordlessly across the table to someone who felt like a kindred spirit.  
After dinner Elain managed to be the last one at the table with Azriel. “Care to take a walk with me?” Elain suggested with a glance in the direction of the garden. Azriel smiled and stood, offering her his arm. With a gratified look, Elain took it and they walked out to the garden. When she felt like they were safely out of view of the house and before her confidence dipped, Elain began.  
“So,” she drew out, looking nervously at Azriel.  
He grinned and replied, “So.” Elain shook out her free hand and tried again.  
“I’ve… I’ve picked up on something and I wanted to talk to you about it,” she finished a little lamely, cursing her hesitation. _He’s not going to laugh, he’s the only one here who thinks of you as an adult! Just say it._ Azriel seemed to perk up hopefully.  
“Yes? What is it?” he said in earnest. Taking this as a good sign, Elain plowed ahead with a little more certainty.  
“I’ve realized that I’ve been a little bit selfish. I know that things after the war haven’t really settled, both here in Prythian and on the continent. I… I think I can help. I _know_ I can help. I want to try and look into the future to give you all as much information as possible,” she said firmly with a nod of her head. Feeling proud of herself, she looked at Azriel again. For a moment he seemed almost… deflated? But then he spoke up.  
“That could be very useful,” he mused. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to it? I know that the war was a lot for you to process, and there’s a possibility you’ll see more bloodshed if you look.” Elain tried to be touched by his concern rather than offended that Azriel thought she didn’t know what she was signing up for.  
“I’m sure,” she said a little flatly. Changing tack she followed with, “I thought maybe you could help me practice before I talk to Rhys and the others?” Elain saw him get a little more smug at that and added innocently, “Just to help me get my bearings, Az.” That tipped it over just right. Azriel smiled and looked pleased.  
“What did you have in mind to start with?” he inquired, settling onto the stone bench they had just reached. Elain sat down and faced him, cross legged, excited to get started.  
“Well I haven’t quite used my powers since the war,” she lied smoothly, putting her hands in her lap. “So I’ll probably need to exercise my mind before I can guide myself enough to get useful information. I would do it by myself, but having another person present helps me focus onto their path so that I don’t get lost.” She shivered, not quite realizing it was involuntary rather than planned. She hadn’t meant to tell the truth like that. Azriel saw the honesty in her face and grew a little more serious.  
“Would it help if I held your hand?” he asked quietly, extending one scarred hand towards Elain as he turned to face her. Elain swallowed and nodded. _Damn I think I really do like him_ , she thought in despair. _This would be so much easier if I didn’t so I could just manipulate him this little bit and be done with it._ She took a deep breath and extended her own hand, lightly placing it in his. It was warmer than she expected, and rough with scars and calluses. She almost didn’t catch Azriel’s tiny intake of breath, as if he hadn’t really thought she would touch him. Elain blushed a little and swore to herself, _I am in such deep shit_ , before closing her eyes. She relaxed into Time, a bit more steady as she put some distance between the self that was on a cold bench in the dark feeling silly and flushed with Azriel’s hand in hers and the self that was drifting into the endless flow of the world. Elain held onto that serenity for a moment, at peace. _Maybe this is why I don’t know what to do with myself_ , she wondered. _I’m just content to see Time strolling past me as I stand still_. And then the visions started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the elriel but I'm big enough to admit that Elain is attracted to him in canon, so I wanna address that before moving on


	4. Chapter Four

At first, Elain had wondered how it worked that she had always been able to discern strangers in their own future. After turning the idea in her mind for a bit, she had shrugged and just assumed that it was part of the seer’s magic that allowed her to recognize people in their old age. It didn’t hurt that the Fae physically aged at a much slower rate than humans did. So when Elain held Azriel’s hand and dived into Time, she didn’t worry about being able to recognize him in her visions. But once they came to her, she wished she couldn’t.  
It felt like being sucked into a whirlpool and being dragged down, down, down. Images and emotions and voices swirled around her as Elain tried to breathe in an endless gasp. Azriel shoving someone against the wall, blade under their throat. Azriel’s fist in a blurred face, swinging with fury. Glimpses of Azriel’s hands slicing up Fae with almost delicacy, woven with his own hands being scarred in turn. It didn’t stop, and the only constants were the violence and blood drenching every scene. She thought she saw a softer looking Mor, bloodied almost beyond recognition on an autumnal forest floor. Elain felt sick at seeing Truth-Teller being plunged again and again into unwilling flesh with a vengeance. Worst of all were the feelings: delighted cruelty and arrogance, with an eternal rage frozen beneath it all.  
Elain started to feel panicked. _Oh gods, please not again_ , she begged. _If I’m smothered with this for months on end I’ll never survive_. It was like fighting the tide. Suddenly, it all stopped. Azriel had let go of her hand.  
“Are you alright? You’ve gone pale, I thought you might…” he trailed off, eyes filled with concern. Elain gasped at the sensation of a real sound after the mental screams accompanying her visions. Azriel moved as if to grab her forearms and steady her. Elain shied away, too desperate to be subtle, and caught the hurt flash in his features. She curled in on herself and tried to steady her racing pulse.  
“I’m fine,” she insisted while almost panting. “I just… I forgot how intense it could feel,” she finished, finally daring to really look around her. The garden and the night were exactly how she had left it, and so was Azriel. Elain was the only thing that had changed. She couldn’t help but stare at him.  
“What did you see?” Azriel ventured to ask while tentatively moving towards her. Elain stayed perfectly still, mind racing. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck what do I say? I don’t even want to look at him. Fuck fuck fuck fuck_ , Elain chanted mentally.  
“Nesta,” she blurted out unthinkingly. Azriel’s brows raised. Elain stalled for a moment, mind whirring. She continued, “I saw Nesta. I think she needs me, and that’s why the vision came to me. I should go.” She jumped up without waiting to see if Azriel would buy it. _Perfect! I can stay with her for a few days and figure out what in Mother’s holy name was that, and then come back when I can stand the sight of him_. Elain turned back around to Azriel. “Please don’t tell anyone just yet. I know what they think of her here. I just want to make sure she’s well, I’m sure I’ll only be gone a day or two,” she implored, trying not to sound deranged. She looked him square in the eyes for the first time since she snapped back to the present.  
Discomfort showed on his face as he stood up beside her. “I don’t want to lie to Rhys or Feyre. What excuse could I say anyway? You’re off on vacation? Confining yourself to your room?” he said gently. Elain sighed, knowing that he wasn’t wrong.  
“At least wait until morning when they wonder where I am? And just try and stress that I’m only checking up on her. I don’t want them to think she’s in dire straits. It was the _future_ I saw after all,” Elain said almost absentmindedly. _Or was it?_ Azriel nodded, seeming to understand her sentiments. “If I’m not back in two days, you can even come check on us,” she added impulsively. Azriel relaxed a bit at that, much more pacified by this offer.  
“You’ll send word if you need anything?” he asked with a determined look. Elain almost smiled.  
“Of course. Thank you, Azriel,” she replied, truly meaning it despite the horror she still felt about what she had seen. Elain turned around and tried to run without making it look as though she was fleeing the scene of a crime, heading straight for Nesta’s apartment.  
~  
Elain had never wished more for Nesta to have picked a closer apartment. Her lungs burned by the time she made it up the last flight of stairs, and she slumped against the door more than knocking. Luckily Nesta heard it and smelled Elain, letting her in with a confused look.  
“I was about to go out, was it truly that bad at the house? You’ve never come by two nights in a row,” Nesta noted, watching Elain pace back and forth in front of the empty fireplace. Elain was all at once glad and then immediately guilty that Nesta was unable to light fires in her home. She tried to catch her breath to answer the question.  
“Not… that just… saw visions… of Az,” she started, drawing deep breaths between the words. “He’s maybe a… sadistic killer?” she finished off with a shake of her head. Finally feeling like she had caught her breath, she collapsed into an armchair.  
“Excuse me? Try that again,” demanded Nesta. “Azriel is a what?”  
“I think I saw into the past? I saw him hurting people and liking it, Nes. I’m not sure if he killed them all, exactly, but there were so many. I saw how his hands got those scars. I even think I saw him rescue a younger Mor? It was all too much, I couldn’t stand it,” explained Elain, “So I ran here, told him I saw that you needed me. We have a bit before anyone comes to investigate. Sorry I couldn’t think of something better.”  
Nesta waved that away and pressed on, “You saw the past? Are you sure?”  
Elain paused and thought about it for a second, but responded firmly, “I know it was the past. A few times while running errands I thought it was possible I was seeing the past, but I couldn’t be sure. But I know him, so this time it was easier to tell it was different. Everything felt… solid. Like it had already happened, like it was guaranteed. And he seemed younger than he is now.”  
Nesta didn’t look as bewildered as Elain felt, but she said, “Maybe it makes sense? We already know that he’s spymaster, maybe what you saw was what happens when spying isn’t enough to gather the information that he needs.”  
“...I don’t even know if that’s worse, is that worse? That he tortures people for their knowledge as part of his job?” Elain asked with a hint of exasperation. “I just can’t believe that nobody said anything. Although, then again, it’s not like it’s a topic that comes up naturally,” she admitted, still hurt. _Was he ever going to tell me if we became something more? Or was he just going to keep me in the dark? I don’t even know how to feel about this right now_ , she decided.  
Nesta glanced at her and said, “Look, I don’t think we’re going to be able to sort this all out tonight. There’s way too much in this blasted court that we don’t know, and nobody is going to tell us, and even then we would have to figure things out on our own. You look terrible. Do you want me to stay with you?”  
Elain thought about it, knowing that it was a genuine offer. “No it’s okay, you can go out. I should be fine by myself,” she replied, not bothering to express the gratitude and love she felt at the moment. She knew that it was all over her face and obvious to Nesta. Nesta nodded, not wasting her breath to tell Elain to make herself comfortable and that she would be out late, and left the apartment. Elain stood and redid all of the locks in order, leaning her forehead against the door when she was done.  
_I’m going to take my dress off and put it on the windowsill so that it’s warm in the morning. I’m going to climb into bed and make sure to leave room for Nesta. I’ll probably stare at the ceiling for a bit, but then I’ll fall asleep and not think about any of this until morning_. Instead when she turned around and forced herself fully off the door, Elain walked to the bathroom, climbed into the tub fully clothed, and sat down. Hugging herself, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the lip of the basin. Her thoughts felt like water pouring out from the faucet, ready to submerge her. She took a deep breath, and floated out into Time. With her new perspective, she was able to see that the past had always been available to her, and looked with brand new eyes. _Maybe different people make it easier to see in a certain direction_ , she pondered, thinking back. _For people like Az with such tumultuous pasts, it’s like an anchor tugging me back. But people who are unburdened or charging into the future head first show me the future, just like I’ve wanted. And since I wasn’t very focused while holding Azriel’s hand, I saw the past rather than the future. Although his future is probably more of the same._  
Feeling much more comfortable now that that was sorted out, she started wondering how, now that she knew, she could control her visions. Rocked gently by Time moving around her, she hardly noticed that she had been dozing until thin arms lifted her out of the tub. Elain hummed a little as a familiar stride carried her to the bed and laid her down gently. She felt rather than saw her sister get in bed next to her. Elain moved closer to Nesta’s warmth, not caring about how the scent of the night still clung to her. Nesta sighed and turned towards her. And slowly they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I exist mostly to give Elain and Nesta the tender yet unyielding sister bond they deserve. literally canon is just unfathomable to me because it's emphasized over and over how much Nesta is literally ride or die for Elain and then Elain just ?? does not reciprocate and I think that's fake and ugly


End file.
